


Here

by Rachelrose29



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Family Feels, Father Figures, Friendship/Love, Gen, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 22:28:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15828192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachelrose29/pseuds/Rachelrose29
Summary: Ahsoka and Sabine have found Ezra in Wild Space, but Ezra doesn't remember what happened to him or his Rebel family.





	1. Revive

_His thoughts immediately went to Kanan, to the last time he saw him, his hands outstretched holding back the explosion at the top of the fuel pod on Lothal._

_Ezra froze when Hera flew back into him, but somehow his arms kept her from trying to run back to Kanan. His heart stopped. It was taking everything Kanan had to contain the explosion._

_It was muffled, but he heard Hera scream his name. Kanan turned toward them._

_Then, his Master’s eyes shone a bright greenish-blue again, seeing the woman and his Padawan he dearly loved so clearly one last time. He Force pushed their getaway ship to safety and in an instant, the flames had engulfed him._

_Is this what Kanan felt like? Did he know what was going to happen, what he was going to have to do?_

_Did he realize what his sacrifice would mean?_

_Ezra sighed, holding back the sob that wanted to escape his throat. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, exactly, but he had realized the path he’d chosen would give his family the opportunity to save Lothal, its people… and ensured their protection from Thrawn._

_Tears welled in his eyes and fear settled into his chest, tightening his throat. He wasn’t afraid for himself. He was afraid for his family._

**_Ezra, I’m here_** _._

_Ezra closed his eyes, relishing in those words, the voice he easily recalled from memory. How many times did Kanan say those words to him, offering assurance and strength when he needed it?_

_"Alright, Chop…” Ezra said, breaking the silence. “I’m ready.”_

_Chopper beeped back, resigned, but willing to act as messenger once again._

_Ezra opened his eyes. He looked at the little astromech, nodded and let the words flow freely._ _“_

_If you’re watching this recording, then I owe you an explanation. There were several paths in front of me, and while this wasn’t the one I wanted to take, it’s what I had to do. That’s something Kanan taught me._

_“I’m going to miss you all._

_“_ _Zeb? You can have the top bunk back… for now._

_“Hera, I, uh, left a meiloorun in your cabin. I hope it’s still your favorite._

_“Sabine? Don’t forget… I’m counting on you._

_“I couldn’t have wished for a better family… I can’t wait to come home.”_

Ezra awoke, startled, his bright blue eyes red and bloodshot, showing signs of being closed for too long. The room was unnaturally vibrant, the only kind of piercing white you would find in medical facilities or government offices.

He instinctively shut his eyes, finding a short reprieve from the light’s penetrating intensity.  

 _Where am I? What happened?_ Ezra thought, panic rising in his chest. He couldn’t remember anything about what happened before… before what?

He felt sick. His head pounded. His mouth, dry. He was dizzy, weak, but he wasn’t sure if he was hungry or if he wanted to hurl.

After a few seconds, he managed to slowly open his eyes. Squinting around the room, he tried to focus on anything or anyone he could recognize.

No one was there. He was alone.

And nothing stood out. He started to make mental notes. A bacta tank to his right. Medical instruments on trays on a nearby counter. A medical droid in the opposite corner, not moving.

Everything was clean, white, metallic.

_Definitely a medical station… but where?_

He grabbed for the breather attached to his mouth, gently removed it from his face and let it drop to the tiled floor. He inhaled, deep, and started to cough, grimacing at the burning sensation in his lungs and the disinfectant smell that lingered in his nose.

The monitors next to the bed responded to his movement with loud, erratic beeps and flashing lights, working to warn someone of the change in his vitals.

Ezra then noticed he was only wearing a pair of white shorts. The cold, clinical air made him shiver.

He immediately found himself forming a plan, finding comfort in his survival instincts. He needed to find out where he was, what had happened and why he had ended up in a medical station. It was then he realized the door to his room was wide open.

“Well, might as well take a look around…” he whispered quietly to himself.

Ezra swung his legs to the side of the bed, started to push himself up and took a step. His legs wobbled beneath him, unable to support his weight as he stumbled forward.

 _Why am I so weak?_ Ezra thought. _What happened to me?_

“Sir, you cannot leave your bed.” The low robotic voice made Ezra jump and he toppled to the floor, his face smacking the cold tile.

“Ughhh…” Ezra groaned. The cold floor felt oddly refreshing on his clammy skin despite the fall. He lifted himself up and leaned against the bed frame. His eyes darted around the room and found the source of the voice, focusing on the now working medical droid gliding in his direction. It had been alerted by the monitors and simultaneously notified nearby medstaff of the situation.

“Where am I?” Ezra sharply asked the droid, still rubbing the cheek that had made contact with the floor.

“You are on the Reclamation, a medical frigate.” The droid responded, his programming cold and courteous.

Ezra raised his eyebrows, but ignored the droid’s attempt to help him up and reached out for his connection to the Force. It was there but weak. Even though it wasn’t incredibly strong at the moment, he relied on it anyway, searching for the strength to stand on his own and trying to jog loose any knowledge of what had happened before waking up on the frigate.

A few seconds stretched into a minute. Ezra swallowed, pensive, uncertainty settling into his stomach.

Nothing. He couldn’t remember where he had been before now. Drops of sweat slid down his temples. His forehead burned with a fever.

He felt so warm. Wasn’t he shivering just a few minutes ago?

It all unnerved him, his current situation, but Ezra took a deep breath to try and center himself. It was as if he was missing something, a crucial part that made him whole.

_Okay, start with something small. I’m Ezra… I’m… Ezra… I’m… I’m…_

He couldn’t get past his name and he soon realized he could only recall one thing, one image.

Those red eyes, glaring back at him, wrapped up in the arms of… purrgill?… and their skin began to blink, just before… before…  whisking the ship they were both on into the unknown.

Red eyes… whose red eyes?

“Where…” he gasped, his anxiety climbing to a fever pitch. “Where am I?”

The droid didn’t answer the question and simply repeated that he couldn’t leave the room.

Those red eyes. Familiar, but threatening. They were the center of something important to him.

Then, he remembered. The name.

 _His name_.

 _Thrawn_.

“Thrawn?” he spat out as he grasped the bed frame, pulling himself up to face the droid. “Where? Where is he?!”

“I do not know that name.” The droid responded, now guarding Ezra’s only exit. “I must ask you to return to your bed and try to calm yourself. Your heart rate is at a dangerous level.”

“Where am I?” Ezra growled, defensive. His arms remained rigid at his side, one hand still clutching the bed frame while other balled into a tense fist. “Where’s Thrawn?”

Several doctors and other medstaff suddenly rushed in, ready to sedate him.

His fear, his anger, it rushed through him and seeped into everything around him. He lashed out, the Force acting as his weapon. The medical droid began to buckle, crushed under the weight of the invisible energy. Medical tools flew around the room nearly missing the medstaff that were gasping for air.

All Ezra could see was Thrawn, his red eyes glowering at him.

“Ezra, stop!”

Th-that voice... her voice… he’d heard it before.

 _Sabine… my name’s Sabine._ “Sa-Sabine?” Ezra asked, his voice small and confused. He was distracted now, enough so that the medstaff were able to breathe again. His Force connection started to diminish and he fell to his knees.

One of the doctors quickly grabbed a syringe and stabbed it into Ezra’s neck. Completely unaware of the needle puncturing his skin, he blinked several times while still staring at Sabine, fighting the urge to fall asleep. His eyes stayed with hers as he collapsed to the floor.

She rushed toward him. He was fighting, still, trying to make his brain remember where he first saw her, that wonderfully wild hair and beautiful, colorful armor.

“I know your face…” he whispered, hand limply outstretched for hers. She kneeled down next to him, wrapping his hand in hers. “Your hair used to be longer…”

Ezra trailed off and embraced the darkness.

* * *

“Amnesia?” Hera repeated, arms crossed and legs locked in her usual stance. But she wasn’t debating the doctor’s diagnosis, she just wanted to know more. There was obvious concern in her question.

“Yes, retrograde,” he replied. “We wanted to observe him a little whenever he woke up and it seems to be what’s happened. Oh, and a little bit of reacclimation sickness, too, due to the fever he’s experiencing. We think it’s being caused by the trauma he endured when you found him. Being out in space for as long as he was…. He’s lucky to even be alive.”

“It wasn’t luck,” Sabine remarked, eyes boring a hole into the doctor.

He gave her a quizzical look, as if her comment was a bit rude, but only for a moment before he returned his attention to Hera.

Sabine couldn’t care less.

After her travels with Ahsoka, she had quickly learned there wasn’t luck, only the Force and how it touched and weaved its way through each person, working in ways that even someone with Ashoka’s knowledge couldn’t fully understand. They had found Ezra in the Unknown Regions after several long, arduous months of searching, not entirely sure what had transpired before their scanners and Ahsoka had sensed him.

She had no idea how long he had been floating, seemingly lifeless.

It had been a few weeks of bacta tank treatment and then forced sedation to help him recover. Everyone on the Ghost was hoping Ezra would be able to fill them in when he woke up from the coma, but now it looked like that wasn’t going to be the case… at least until his memory fully returned.

 _Or if it returned at all…_ she thought somberly.

“It seems as if Mr. Bridger has an inherent feeling for who he is, but not much beyond that… and you say he said your name?” He asked, looking to Sabine for confirmation.

“Ye-yes,” She stammered, quickly brought out of her reverie. “But he looked confused as he said it like he wasn’t really sure why he was saying it...”

“Well, we have him sedated for now and my team will be monitoring him for the time being…”

The doctor’s voice slipped away again and Sabine was lost in her own thoughts.

When she and Ahsoka had finally found Ezra, she was beyond relieved, beyond happy. She felt _whole_ again. But she had no idea why he was drifting in space and how he had even survived.

She remembered that Kanan experienced something similar how many years back. When she and the rest of the Ghost Crew had been held hostage by Maul to lure Ezra into combining the Jedi and Sith Holocrons, Kanan vaguely explained afterward how Maul had pushed him out of the airlock. Fortunately, the Force was with him that day and he was able to launch himself back into the docking bay before the cold vacuum of space could do major damage. His skin was already crystallizing by the time he reached safety, but he had survived.

She quickly felt her heart clench at his memory.

If only he were here now, he would easily bring Ezra back, reach him when he wasn’t himself.  

She felt Hera’s hand gently caress her shoulder. The doctor was gone.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Sabine,” she said. Her face showed a careful optimism. Sabine met her big green eyes and sighed heavily, giving Hera all she needed.   

“I know. I wish Kanan could be here for him, too. But I’m positive Ezra will come back to us,” the Twi’lek assured her with an encouraging smile. “I can feel it.”

Sabine gave her a small smile in return, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Even after everything they had been through, good and bad, her cynicism tended to overpower her desire to be positive in moments like this.

Hera wanted her to be hopeful, be fervent in her belief of others. Her Mandalorian blood told her to be skeptical, cautious and ever at-the-ready. Ahsoka would want her to trust in the Force.

Ahsoka had been a sort of mentor in their time together and in only a short while, Sabine had understood that the Togrutan sought a balance in all things and in the Force. In this situation, she would’ve reminded Sabine to clear her head, breathe and let the light within her calm her uneasiness, help her guide her way.

 _Find balance_ , Sabine heard in her head, as if Ahsoka was standing right behind her, filling the role of teacher when she needed one.

But Ahsoka wasn’t really here and balance was out of Sabine’s reach. The tactical Mandalorian in her was winning. Something was off… Ezra wasn’t Ezra right now and she needed to be ready to help him or face him if he lashed out with his Force powers again.

“Yeah…” she finally replied, noticing Hera was waiting for a response.

The Ghost’s Captain motioned to a hallway on the left. It led to the frigate’s docking bay.

“It’s late, and the doctor said Ezra will be out for a while. Why don’t you try and get some sleep, or you can help me run routine diagnostics on the Ghost? I get antsy when we don’t fly her for a few cycles and Chopper could use the company.”

As much as Sabine wanted to find seclusion on their ship and maybe give her room a fresh coat of artistic inspiration, she shook her head. “I’m going back to his room. I want to be there when he wakes up. He remembered my name, Hera… _my face_. He even said my hair was different.”

Hera crossed her arms and looked at her. Sabine pursed her lips, ready for one of Hera’s mini-lectures. Sometimes Hera was her captain, sometimes a sister, but most of the time, she was a surrogate mom.

“Okay,” Hera replied, hesitant. “But call me, Zeb or Kallus if you need a break. God knows those two could sure use one sometime soon.”

Sabine nodded and turned to walk away.

“And Sabine?” The Mandalorian stopped, seeing that Hera’s expression was softer this time. “He remembers you. And if he remembers you, he’ll remember us, his family, and all we did…  together.”

Hera gave her another reassuring look and strolled down the hallway to toward the Ghost, leaving Sabine to do as she wished.

Sabine rubbed her bright pink head with a gloved hand, uncertainty marking her face. She turned the opposite direction and briskly walked to Ezra’s room.


	2. Recall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra wakes up again on the medical frigate to find Sabine sleeping in a chair next to him.

_ “Feel, listen, don’t think,” Kanan reminded with a soft voice.  _

_ Ezra’s eyes were closed. His hand was outstretched in front of him, his mind trying to focus on lifting the crate a few feet away. He could hear the wind whip through the grass, feel it all around him. He sensed Kanan standing behind him, right hand cradling his bearded chin in his typical deep thinking pose.  _

_ He even felt the life force of two lothcats. They were sunbathing somewhere in the Lothalian grassland to his left, nowhere near interested in his training. To be honest, he kind of felt the same way about his training… at least today.  _

_ And getting the crate to move an inch off the ground was proving to be impossible. Ezra readjusted himself, forehead wrinkling and lips pursing in concentration.  _

_ After several long seconds, the crate finally began to levitate, rising slowly, but it only managed to get an inch above the ground before falling back down. _

_ He reopened his eyes and angrily glared at it, this object currently standing between him and his chance to do something else with his time. He so badly wanted to progress in his training and become a Jedi, like Kanan, but his insecurities with the Force had only increased as of late.  _

_ His annoyance and anger finally bubbled to the surface. _

_ “ _ _ I am feeling, Kanan!” Ezra snapped at his Master, no longer hiding his irritation.  “Just everything but that crate…” _

_ He let out a heavy sigh and let his arm fall to his side before plopping himself down in defeat. Ezra’s aggravation quickly dissipated into disappointment, directed at himself. _

_ The former street urchin and Lothal native had been part of the Ghost crew, officially, for more than a few months now. Even though he was eager to learn and even more eager to make his new master proud, it had been a frustrating transition for everyone involved, to say the least.  _

_ “I’m just not good at this.” Ezra thought, his inner voice small, upset, self-berating. He subconsciously brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs, an action he always did when he felt defeated, lonely or scared.  _

_ Honing his connection with the Force felt like chipping away at a boulder, without being able to use any of the necessary tools to get the job done right. Why was Kanan even training him? _

_ “Failure is the best teacher of all...” Kanan’s voice echoed in Ezra’s head. “I was right where you are now and I still get frustrated at myself most days.”  _

_ He looked up to see his Master walking toward him. _

_ “ _ _ Did you?-”  _

_ “ _ _ See, you are growing,” Kanan grinned, his bright eyes soft with understanding. “A few weeks ago, we wouldn’t have been able to connect so well with the Force.”  _

_ Ezra returned a smile, just lifting at the corners of his mouth. Maybe he wasn’t doing as bad as he thought. _

_ He sensed Kanan had more to tell him and glanced up at his Master again. _

_ “ _ _ We won’t be here forever, Ezra,” Kanan continued, sitting down next to him. He stretched his legs out, lifted his face toward the sun and closed his eyes. “We need to focus on your training while we have the time. Who knows when we’ll be back on the Ghost heading to who knows where.”  _

_ “Yeah, yeah… I know…”  _

_ The young Jedi Master smiled a bit at his Padawan’s response, but he opened his eyes and shifted himself to look at him more directly. The amusement in his blue-green eyes soon grew more serious and heartfelt. He lifted his arm and placed a hand on Ezra’s shoulder. _

_ “I’m here, but I won’t be here forever,” Kanan said with a somber tone. “I didn’t have my Master for very long and I wasn’t prepared. I want you to be prepared...”  _

Ezra opened his eyes. He was still in his room on the medical frigate, but this time he was calmer. He wasn’t panicked, but he felt fresh tears sliding down his cheeks.

_ Why am I crying?  _ He thought, furiously wiping away the salty water with the back of both hands. _ Who was that talking to me?  _

Images flashed in his head, but none that made sense. That man talking to him in different places. Thrawn’s red eyes beckoning him to follow. Someone showing him a holopic of a little boy with his parents. A white lothcat earnestly mewing at him. A giant lothwolf saying “Dume” to him over and over again.

It was all too much. His heart was beating too fast, and it was about to jump out of his chest. A dull ache throbbed behind his eyes, making it hard to focus with the bright lights around him. He closed his eyes and took a few minutes to breathe slowly and deeply, in and out, in and out until he felt in control again.

Ezra reopened them a few minutes later and glanced around the room. This time he noticed he wasn’t alone.  _ That wild pink hair _ . The girl in the armor was sleeping soundly in the chair next to the bed. 

_ What was her name? Sa- Sabine… Sabine… Sabine Wren!   _

Now he felt like he was getting somewhere. For some reason, he was able to recall her name like before and he vaguely remembered that she was Mandalorian, seeing her helmet and armor up close. The corners of his mouth pulled up in a tiny smile. Her presence was soothing and for the first time since he had been on the frigate, Ezra felt a little less frightened and sensed he had somewhat of a handle on his situation. 

Sabine shifted slightly in her chair, breathing in deep and letting out a small sigh. She raised her arms above her head, reaching high and stretched out her entire body.

“That definitely wasn’t comfortable…” she mumbled to herself as a couple of her joints cracked, relieving pressure buildup from sitting in one position for so long. She didn’t realize Ezra was awake. 

Suddenly, the door swished open and Hera walked in, her eyes zeroed in on the datapad she held. “Do you think Ezra will want Ka-” She stopped, her green eyes landing on the Jedi in question, her mouth wider than a gundark’s. Ezra shielded his eyes with his hands in an effort to try and see her. His headache was getting worse.

“Do you think you could turn down the lights?” He asked through a grimace, eyes squinting. “My head hurts… I can’t focus with the light…” 

Hera nodded warmly, regaining her composure. She turned to the touchscreen near the door, her lekku swinging behind her with the swift movement. She delicately tapped the digital controls for the room a couple times to switch the setting and dimmed the overhead lights so they covered the room in a softer glow. 

“Your voice.” His whisper caught both Hera and Sabine a little off guard. Hera’s heart was beating erratically and her headtails quivered at knowing Ezra was awake. She turned back around and looked at Sabine. She soon realized that her friend was just as nervous as she was. Ezra must’ve just woken up, then. 

The boy she’d grown to love like a son was typically the one to loudly announce what he was thinking without a second thought, which meant that he would get an admonishing look from her or a swift smack to the head from Sabine or both at the same time, usually. His voice sounded so small now right now and that worried the Twi’lek.

“What about it?” Hera replied, keeping her outward appearance steady and confident. Showing that things were as calm and as normal as possible seemed the right thing to do.

“It sounds so familiar. Do I know you, too? Like I know her?” He made a small gesture past the right of his bed to where Sabine was sitting. “I remembered her name when I woke up.”

Ezra turned his head and met her eyes while fighting the urge to shut his own because of the pain that pulsed in his skull.  

“It’s Sabine, Sabine Wren.” His voice a little louder and more confident as he said her name. It felt right rolling off his tongue. Ezra’s heart fluttered a bit in that moment and he silently wondered how many times he had spoken her name out loud before now. 

For a second, Sabine and Hera shared a rather hopeful look, but the Mandalorian immediately let her face go neutral. 

“Yeah, that’s me,” Sabine replied, clearing her throat. She was curious whether he could remember anything else. “And that’s Hera. Did you remember her name? What else do you know about me? Or her?” 

Ezra lowered his hands, uncupping them from around his eyes and softly shook his head no, but immediately sensed a pull toward someone else on the ship. His connection with the Force was returning and was getting stronger now that the sedative was making its way out of his system. The presence was odd. It was familiar but new. Definitely Force-sensitive. It felt like an echo of someone he already he knew. He frowned. His head was pounding now, but he had to fight through the pain.  

“I don’t really know…” He hurriedly confessed. He wanted to keep his focus on his newfound connection, but he couldn’t manage to split his attention, not with his increasing discomfort. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no…” Hera shook her head profusely and quickly walked to his side. She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Don’t apologize. You’re trying and that’s all we ask.” 

She smiled and Ezra nodded in understanding, starting to feel unsure whether he could fully trust either of them. He was feeling a little uneasy, getting the impression that they were keeping something from him, but he continued.

“I keep having dreams with this man in them. I don’t know who he is, but he makes me feel… different… like we had this bond or something...” 

Ezra glanced up to see Hera and Sabine sharing another look, this time clearly more apprehensive. About what, he wasn’t sure. He tilted his head a bit, confused at their apparent unwillingness to share whatever it was they were thinking. Why were they asking him all these questions? He should be the one asking them questions. He needed answers, answers about what had happened to him. 

“But what about me? How did I get here?” He asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His voice was even more confident this time and had a slight edge to it. “I can’t remember anything from before I got here. I know something’s wrong with me… and I want to know what it is.”  

“Why don’t you get dressed?” Hera countered, trying to placate him. “And we’ll go get the doctor so he can check on how you’re doing. Then, we can talk more after that.”

Ezra shifted his eyes between the two women, realizing that the only way he would get answers was to play along.

“Fine.” He replied icily. “Also, I’m starving. Some food would be nice.” 

“I’ll handle that one,” Sabine interrupted, rolling her eyes as she got up from her chair to go with Hera. “You don’t need to be so rude about it.” 

The women headed toward the door, but the Mandalorian turned around. Even though she knew he wasn’t truly himself at the moment, she didn’t like Ezra’s tone.  

“And trust me, we’re here to help you, Ezra.” She barked back. “You would know it if you…” She trailed off, letting the words drift away instead of saying them aloud. “We’ll be back in a little while.”

A twinge of guilt settled in Ezra’s stomach as they walked out into the hallway.

_ They were only trying to help, you idiot. Way to go, making Sabine mad…   _

But he let his thoughts go for the moment and refocused his attention on the Force-sensitive being he sensed on the ship. Ezra’s head was still throbbing, and it scared him, but he needed to know who this person was and why they were here.

* * *

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” Zeb pointed out, his ears perking up at Hera’s news. “He knows Sabine and knows your voice, too, Hera.” 

Sabine raised a finger to her lips, silently shushing the Lasat ever so slightly, hoping Ezra hadn’t heard too much of his boisterous voice. She didn’t want him to overhear and get to thinking they were talking about him behind his back.

Zeb rolled his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh in response. A frown landed on his face, pushing his relief back down. He seemed to be the only one who was happy to hear Ezra’s memory was returning. 

“That may be,” Kallus interjected, his voice with its usual even-keeled tone. “But he only recognized names. There’s still so much he isn’t remembering. Ezra isn’t the young man we knew on Lothal.”

As he glanced around at each one of his friends, he knew he struck a nerve. While they had gained so much, him especially after coming to the side of the Rebellion, this group had experienced profound loss as well. 

“Well, not yet.” He added, trying to assuage the doubts and fears among them. He subconsciously reached for Zeb’s hand, a small act that would provide much-needed comfort for his partner during such uncertainty concerning Ezra. Zeb’s large, purple, furry hand subconsciously squeezed back. 

“No, he isn’t.” Sabine concurred with a sad whisper. She took a step away from their impromptu hallway huddle and sat down on a nearby bench. Hera watched her warily, unsure what the Mandalorian’s next choice of words would be. 

“I love Ezra,  _ we _ all love Ezra,” Sabine continued. “And I don’t want to see him hurt, but we need to try and help him remember… everything. With his powers as a Jedi and his connection to the Force returning, because we know it probably already is or will sooner than later, he’s going to become dangerous and unpredictable. And with Ahsoka handling that refugee situation with Rex on Ansion, we don’t have anyone who could match that strength right now. ”

She paused, noting all their eyes were on her. They were expecting a solution, which she didn’t have.   

“The doctor said he believes it’s retrograde amnesia, so his memories should come back, right? I think we tell him everything… but I say we take a vote on what to do next.” 

Hera’s opened her mouth to respond, but Sabine held up a hand to quiet her.

“After the doctor takes another look at him,” she conceded. “You know my vote.” 

Zeb and Kallus shared a sobering look, but Kallus finally nodded at Sabine. “We need to try.” 

“I want  _ our  _ Ezra back,” Zeb added, his response breaking a bit at his friend’s name. They all turned to look at Hera. She was slowly pacing, her arms loosely crossed across her stomach. Her lekku were shivering slightly, showing how nervous she really felt about the whole issue.

“Hera…” Sabine said, standing up and placing a calming hand on her shoulder. “What’s your vo-?” 

“Wait…” Hera interrupted, motioning behind Zeb and Kallus. “Where is he?”

* * *

Ezra’s forehead creased as he listened to the murmurs behind the door. It was obvious he was the topic of discussion and he could feel the confusion, hesitation and fear popping up in each person as they voiced their thoughts out loud.

He looked back at the clothes laid out at the foot of his bed and decided he should get dressed like the Twi’lek, no,  _ Hera _ had suggested. Sabine had been true to her word and brought him food. It lacked any kind of taste, but it had been edible, at least, so he would return the favor and do as they had asked.

He made his way toward his bed and bent over to stroke the fabric, scrunching his nose at the weirdness of it touching his fingertips. He had no idea what material the shirt and pants were made out of and in the end, he guessed it didn’t particularly matter. He sat on the opposite side of his bed, the one that faced away from the door, and carefully unfurled the pants, which were white and had a blue line down on the outside of each pant leg. He pulled them on and then slipped into the long-sleeved shirt of a similar design.

Distracted, he heard the door to his room open. 

“So, what’s goi-” His heart started and stopped. The pain in his head increased ten fold though his stomach was electric with excitement. It was the being he had felt earlier and whoever it was had just entered his room. His connection with the Force was wildly alive, alerting him to this something, this someone that felt incredibly familiar yet was entirely new. 

_ I’m here…  _

The words brushed against his own Force signature, peaceful yet, at the same time, forcibly working their way past a wall in his mind. It hurt and Ezra found himself locking his jaw hoping the pounding in his brain would go away out of sheer will. 

“Who are you?” 

Ezra shifted his gaze to the Force signature at the door only to find a little boy, maybe no more than six or seven years old. The youngling had a mop of green hair on his head and uniquely shaped eyebrows of the same color that were raised, curious. 

And his eyes! They were a piercing blue, with a tint of that same green peeking through. Ezra had seen them before… on someone else, hadn’t he? 

“My name…” Ezra paused, swallowing hard. “My name is Ezra.” 

A flash of recognition appeared in those blue eyes. A lopsided grin quickly followed.

“Ezra? The one in mommy’s stories about daddy?” 

“Stories?” Ezra’s breathing had become gasps now, the pain now too much to hide. Drops of sweat formed on his face, but he fought through it. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Jacen,” he answered, excited. “Jacen Syndulla.”  “Syndulla?” Ezra asked, letting a small groan escape from his lips. His vision was beginning to cloud now and the room was hazy. It was so hard to focus. 

“Yeah,” Jacen replied, matter-of-factly. He took a few hesitant steps toward Ezra.  “And my dad’s name was Kanan, Kanan Jarrus. You knew him, right? He was a Jedi, like you!”

_ I’m here…  _

The voice reverberated in Ezra’s head and the pain transformed into a blinding white, blocking his vision completely. He let out a guttural scream and fell to the floor. 

“Mommy!” he heard Jacen yell, frightened, before the youngling ran back out the door. Ezra wanted to stop his scream, to close his mouth, but he couldn’t. 

The wall in his mind came crashing down and all the memories flooded back in. The sensation was spellbinding and horrifying, all at once. It was as if this moment in time had been stretched and stretched until it double backed on itself. The memories were forming, putting themselves together like puzzle pieces in his brain. They had been hidden away, but the wall that had kept them from joining with his consciousness was crumbling. Everything, all that he had done for the Rebellion, for his parents, for the Ghost Crew, all that made him whole, returned. 

_ Names _ .

Kanan. Hera. Zeb. Kallus. Chopper. Sabine. Ahsoka. Rex. Palpatine. Vader. Thrawn.

_ Feelings _ .

Hesitation. Joy. Fear. Anger. Love. Despair. Acceptance. 

All that made Ezra…  _ Ezra _ . 

Training with Kanan and Ahsoka. Searching for his parents on Lothal. Joining the Rebellion. Connecting with Maul. Confronting the Emperor. The Purrgil. The Unknown Regions. Thrawn… the Chiss… 

Darkness claimed him again. 


	3. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ezra's memories are returning and he asks to be brought to Lothal.

_ “I regret the decisions that led to his death.” _

_ Ezra raised an eyebrow at Thrawn, who was sitting cross-legged on a cot across from him. One of his blue arms was in a sling and his eyes were closed, thankfully. Ezra knew a range of emotions had flickered across his face and he was glad Thrawn hadn’t seen it.  _

_ T _ _ hey were on a Chiss ship heading to who knows where. He had barely survived the jump to hyperspace with the purrgil let alone the several weeks on the ship with Thrawn, his adversary turned reluctant partner. They had managed to put aside their differences and find a way to get a distress signal out. Luckily, and with the Force’s help, Thrawn’s people, the Chiss Ascendancy, had found them before pirates or something worse had.  _

_ If it wasn’t for his Jedi training, Ezra was sure he would’ve gone insane. At least Thrawn had been respectful enough to keep any casual conversation on his end to a minimum. Ezra, not so much, but it seemed the blue-skinned Chiss now wanted to test their boundaries.   _

_ “You didn’t give the order to fire on those fuel pods,” Ezra said a few moments later, voice cool. “Pryce did.” _

_ He paused, not entirely sure whether the next words that flashed in his head should be said. The words slipped out and felt metallic on his tongue. _

_ “But you kept her in power. You gave her the authority to make that decision… and that’s on you.”  _

_ Ezra moved to his own cot to sit down. Thrawn’s ever calm and even voice cut through the air between them.  _

_ “ _ _ You must understand,” Thrawn replied. His red eyes now looked directly at his former adversary, emanating... sadness? Ezra was skeptical that sadness was even something the Chiss ever felt. In his time with Thrawn, he had realized that his current partner’s mind was a complex connection of pieces, constantly arranging and rearranging with every minute that passed. Emotions of any kind were hardly present whenever he stretched out to him with the Force.  _

_ “ _ _ I was wrong to rely on Governor Pryce. My conclusion that she would make the most sound decisions in my place was incorrect,” Thrawn continued. “She had shown a tendency to create problems before, but I choose to ignore those problems because she had proved beneficial to my mission at that time.”  _

_ “Problems... right,” The young Jedi growled back.   _

_ “She misconstrued my desire to defeat your Rebel cell as equal to the death of the rogue Jedi, Kanan Jarrus,” Thrawn responded. “I never desired for your death or the death of your Master, only the end of your cell’s interference in Imperial affairs.” _

_ This time it was Thrawn that hesitated, deciding whether to tell Ezra an important part of his own puzzle. It was the first time Ezra had actually seen him visibly struggle with finding his words.  _

_ “I was desperate,” Thrawn admitted. Ezra masked his surprise at the Chiss’s slightly wavering voice. “I needed the Emperor to support my TIE Defender project. If I captured your cell or stopped your intrusions all together, I believed Palpatine would back me and not another project of more catastrophic proportions. That his ‘Death Star’ would no longer be pursued.” _

_ Ezra shook his head, incredulous.  _

_ “Kudos to you, but guess what?” He growled, his blue eyes fierce. “The Empire doesn’t need whatever this ‘Death Star’ is… they exterminate and imprison and oppress anyone who so much as questions them, all for the sake of so-called order.” _

_ Thrawn stared at him, chiseled face emotionless, but his eyes dimmed with a sense of dejection.  _

_ “Do I forgive you for what happened?” Ezra questioned, jaw set and eyes determined to say his peace. “Maybe. When I’m ready to. It’ll probably take me a while, but I know one thing.” _

_ The young Jedi paused again, taking a beat to gather himself and decrease the edge to his voice. _

_ “Kanan knew his role and what he had to do. He was selfless and sacrificed himself to save the people he loved. He understood that what he did would help push the rebellion on Lothal forward and help us win, despite whatever you thought your precious plans would achieve. It was his final lesson to me and I listened to him.”  _

_ Ezra stood up from his cot, towering over Thrawn. The tenseness in his shoulders eased a little.  _

_ “He’s one with the Force… at least, that’s what I feel in my heart.” _

And that’s what Ezra still believed. Snippets of his time in the Unknown Regions were trickling back since yesterday. After his latest round of sleep, the memories were becoming clearer. Some had the blue-skinned Chiss, others involved Thrawn, and others included some guy named Vanto who had nothing but respect for the Grand Admiral. Ezra’s thoughts were still a little cloudy about that last one. 

But Ezra also felt Caleb Dume. First in his dreams. Then again when he came across Jacen and once more when he was back on the Ghost for the first time, in what had been Kanan’s bunk. It’s not like it was when he was alive, but his Master was all around him, permeating him. Kanan’s presence was clearly some part of his son’s Force signature, too, but could Ezra explain it? Not one bit, but he had learned over and over that the Force wasn’t meant to be understood in its entirety, at least that was his point of view. 

Over the next couple days, everyone filled him in on what had happened while he’d been away. The rise of the Rebellion. The destruction of both Death Stars. The fall of the Empire. This guy Skywalker, a Jedi just like him, that helped bring down the Emperor and Vader and was now working to train the next generation of Jedi. 

Things had definitely changed… in the Galaxy, on the Ghost, and along with it, his family. 

Hera had been one of the Rebellion’s best generals, all while being a mom… to Jacen. Ezra wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to wrap his mind around the fact that Kanan and Hera had a son. It still hurt to think of Kanan, but Jacen was already reminding him of all the best things about his former Master.

Zeb and Kallus had been a pleasant surprise, too. He’d realized early on that they had become close friends, but when Zeb had gushed to him about their home on Lyrasan, and how Ezra had to come visit, their being together made complete sense. They still helped Hera out from time to time, with jobs and looking after Jacen, but it sounded like both Unkie Zeb and Uncle K - that’s what Jacen called them - had traded their old lives for something more stable.  

Rex was still around, too. He had been a crucial part of the Rebellion, of course, but when Ahsoka returned after finding Ezra, he’d flocked right to her side. They had heard from an old friend and left to help her with something on Ansion while Ezra was recovering in his bacta tank. Rex had sent a communication that they’d meet the crew in a day or so, and Ezra was looking forward to talking with Ahsoka… she was the closest thing he’d have to a mentor. 

And Sabine. Sabine held true to her promise to him. She had stayed on Lothal. She had described in detail about his home planet and how his people had finally freed themselves from Imperial oppression, but he needed to see it with his own eyes. He needed to take in all that his parents had set in motion against the Empire what felt like so many years ago. 

So the Ghost was on course to Lothal, per his request.

He was standing in Kanan’s old bunk, which was now Hera’s. Jacen had gotten the one he had shared with Zeb. His mouth turned up into a sad smile, realizing how empty the Ghost must feel now that it was just Hera, Jacen and sometimes Sabine. 

And of course Chopper, too. The little astromech was as flippant with Ezra as always, but he had given him a cheerful “bwah bwah” when he first stepped on the ship. 

Ezra looked around the room again. This time he caught his face in the mirror, noticing for the first time how different he must’ve looked to everyone. His dark blue hair was long enough that he had it tied back at the nape of his neck and his face had a fresh five o’clock shadow. He’d grown, all right. 

He instinctively reached up to stroke the scar on his left cheek that had remained after his and Kanan’s final battle with the Grand Inquisitor. Defining marks he had earned during his training were still there to remind him how far he had come.   

“How are you feeling?” Sabine asked. Ezra jolted at her voice and immediately dropped his arm to the side, not realizing how deep in thought he was.

“Things are still hazy, but I remember so much now,” He replied, turning to face her. She was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed and face blank enough that Ezra wasn’t positive which Sabine he was talking with… his friend or the crew’s protector.  

“That’s good. It’ll all come back in time.” She said while she looked down, averting his inquisitive eyes. Ezra sensed her hesitation.

“What is it, Sabine?”

She glanced back up at the young Jedi, her mouth open as if she was about to say something. Instead, she took two big steps, slammed into Ezra and tightly wrapped her arms around him.  Flabbergasted for a mere moment, 

Ezra chuckled a reply and wound his arms around her. “I missed you, too, Sabine.” 

The friends melted into the embrace, appreciating that their true long-awaited reunion was in private. Ezra was a few inches taller than Sabine now and her head fit easily underneath his chin. Sabine closed her eyes and remained silent. With her ear on his chest, she listened intently to his steady heartbeat. A flutter rippled through Ezra and settled in his stomach, almost identical to the one he had felt a couple days ago when he had said her name. 

“Oh, uhhhhh…” They both heard Zeb interrupt them awkwardly from the doorway. “Hehe, sorry to disturb you two, but Hera said we’re just about to arrive in the Lothal system.” 

Sabine broke away from the hug and smirked at her Lasat friend. She looked back at Ezra. 

“I’ll see you in the cockpit in a few.” Ezra grinned happily at her as she stepped back out into the hallway. 

“Well, Zeb.” Ezra gestured to his clothes, thankful to shift the conversation from him and Sabine. “Whaddya think?” 

Hera had found a couple of old outfits that belonged to Kanan and decided to lay them out for Ezra when he joined them on the Ghost. Both of the shirts were green. One was long-sleeved while the other only hit Ezra’s elbows. The pants, one light brown and the other a softer black with a pseudo leather strip down the side of each leg, were made of a thicker woven material. 

Ezra decided to put on the collared long-sleeved tunic, the black pants and a pair of gray boots, and they all fit him pretty well. 

“Like one of us again, “ Zeb replied with a lopsided grin. He reached out with one of his big furry hands and ruffled Ezra’s hair.  

Kallus called from the hallway, laughter in his voice. “I hate to cut this short, but Ezra’s going to want to be there for the descent to Lothal.”

As they made their way to the cockpit, Ezra worked to settle his nerves, relying on the Force to help calm the electricity running through his body. But he was nowhere near prepared for the onslaught of emotions that welled up inside him as his home planet came into view. 

Ezra’s breath hitched at seeing Lothal. It was bright against the dark backdrop of space and even after everything he had learned about the fall of the Empire, it still relieved him to not see any kind of Imperial presence or blockade above his home.

The clouds swirled above the varying land masses, which no longer showed burned grasslands, and the oceans were the clearest blue. This planet was once again calm and lush with life. 

Ezra’s legs went numb as he sat down in the co-pilot seat next to Hera. Sabine stood behind him while Kallus and Zeb occupied the secondary seats. Zeb held Jacen on his lap, keeping him close to his chest. All of them stayed quiet, respecting Ezra’s need to experience this in his own way.

Knowing Lothal like the back of her hand, Hera took the Ghost down into its atmosphere. As they made their way through the upper clouds, Ezra swallowed hard as countless memories of his life, from street rat to Padawan to Rebel fighter, flashed through his mind.

Sabine placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder and Ezra reflexively grabbed it for support. 

Capital City shone brightly in the distance, as clear as the picturesque landscape that appeared in Ezra’s vision the night he discovered his parents had died. Seeing the city stand tall filled his heart with pride and sadness, knowing his parents gave everything they had to free it from the Empire’s grip.

“We’re going to land in Capital City,” Sabine whispered in his ear, careful not to startle him. 

Ezra nodded, eyes brimming with tears. 

Hera gave him a warm look as she soared effortlessly above the paints and brought the ship closer to the city’s skyline. 

“There’s something we want to show you before we do anything else.” 

* * *

Ezra was immovable for several minutes, his eyes fixated on the image before him. After departing the Ghost and arriving at their destination, Hera, Sabine and the others had given him some space, knowing what he was seeing would dredge up things he would need to process on his own. 

Sabine revealed that she had painted it after everything that transpired during and after their final push against the Empire, with permission from the city’s citizens, of course. She hadn’t approached the painting with any sort of plan or knowledge of what she was going to do, but instead had let her hands guide her. First, she painted the background, then the home planet’s creatures, lothcats and lothwolves, and finally each member of the Ghost’s original crew.  

Ezra didn’t really know what to say. The mural was breathtaking, of course. Sabine’s talent was obvious, but this piece was different from what she had done before. It wasn’t just a rebel’s vandalism or a humorous interpretation of shenanigans on their ship. He felt like he was gazing through a mirror at a moment frozen in time, not all that unlike his experience in the world between worlds where he had saved Ahsoka and was desperately tempted to stop Kanan from dying. 

He cautiously took a few steps toward it so that he was only a couple inches away from his own portrait. Ezra reached forward and placed a hand on the painted white lothcat perched on his shoulder. Slowly, he started to move his hands from person to person, lothcat to lothwolf, taking the time to feel the love, the grief, the self-reflection that Sabine had poured into each detail. He relied on the Force to help him sense what she was feeling with each stroke of her hand, to commit each detail of her work to memory and to keep him from breaking down as a multitude of emotions swirled inside him.

Chopper sitting in front of Hera who was standing tall, proud, the one who never backed down. 

Zeb lumbering in the back with a soft grin on his face and a friendly hand on Sabine’s shoulder. 

Sabine next to Ezra’s likeness with her colorful hair and Mandalorian armor, ever at the ready.

_ Kanan. _

Kanan’s hand was on Hera’s right shoulder, his face stoic and his blinded white eyes marked with the injury Maul gave him on Malachor. Ezra was glad Sabine hadn’t painted him with his mask… he wanted everyone who came across this mural to know his former Master’s face. 

Ezra slid the hand that was touching the mural to Kanan’s form. Again, he reached out around him and felt a faint echo of Kanan’s Force signature circling around Jacen’s own presence. 

Then, he heard someone approach from behind. 

“I think about him every single day,” Hera whispered, voice thick with an equal share of both love and pain. “Sometimes I feel sadness, regret knowing that I waited too long to tell him....”

Ezra turned and saw Hera wasn’t looking at him. Her face was directed toward Kanan’s likeness, eyes glassy with fresh tears. 

“He loved you,” Ezra replied, not much louder than Hera had been. “He loved all of us… He loved me… He was the father and mentor I never knew I needed.” 

He paused, shifting his eyes past Hera. “He’s still here in some way, too.”

She saw that Ezra was looking past her and turned her form to see her son, Jacen, who was giggling happily and literally running circles around Zeb. A loving smile spread across her face and her lekku radiated warmth. 

“Take all the time you need,” Hera said.  

As she walked back to the group, Ezra turned again to look back at the mural, this time honed in on his own portrait. He recognized the person looking back at his blue eyes, but he knew he wasn’t that Ezra any longer.  

He owed so much to so many for how he had grown both before and after that final confrontation with Thrawn on the Chimaera. But he was positive that without Kanan, he wouldn’t be a Jedi and he wouldn’t have learned the final lesson that helped ensure the safety of so many others.

And now he understood that Jacen needed someone to be his guide and teach him the ways of the Force like Kanan had done for him. Jacen would need a Master. 

Suddenly, he felt a tug on his tunic. 

“Are you feeling better?” Jacen asked, his big green eyes staring up at Ezra. 

Ezra chuckled before replying. “Yes, quite… I was just thinking about your dad, that’s all.”

“Yeah… mommy cries about him sometimes.” Jacen looked down at his feet. His next words were a mere mumble. “I wish he was here.”  

Ezra’s heart clenched. He knew what the loss of a parent meant. He gently placed his hands on Jacen’s small shoulders and knelt down so that his face was level with the little one. Jacen lifted his head as Ezra started to speak. 

“Any time you feel that way, I want you to remember something.” Ezra firmly pointed to Jacen’s chest, calling attention to the little one’s heart. “Your dad is right here… I can always feel him here.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Ezra responded, affirming his words. “Close your eyes.”

Jacen gave him a suspicious look, but he did as Ezra asked and shut them. 

“There’s this thing called the Force,” Ezra continued, speaking softly so only the green-haired boy could hear him. “It’s something that your dad told me once. The Force is everywhere. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. It flows through every person in the universe, but it’s strong with me… and it’s strong with you.”

Jacen’s breathing was slow and steady, his mind absorbing every word being spoken at that moment. Ezra could feel the little one’s Force signature begin to swirl and come alive. 

“Did your mom show you holopics of your dad?” Ezra asked. Jacen shook his head yes. “Imagine you have one in your hands right now and try to only think about that.” 

Jacen let an image of Kanan flicker to life inside his head and he focused on it. He only thought about it, letting everything else float away. 

_ I’m here. _

Jacen gasped and opened his eyes, seeing that Ezra.

“I heard something!” Jacen exclaimed, his excitement bright and clear. “I heard someone.” 

Ezra grinned. “That’s the Force. Your dad was a Jedi Knight and he taught me so much about what it means to be a Jedi.”

“You can learn what it means to be a Jedi, too. I can teach you.” Ezra encouraged with a smile. “When your mom thinks you’re ready.”  

Jacen nodded excitedly. 

“Let’s get back to the group.” As Ezra stood to walk back to the crew, he felt a hand instinctively wrap around his own. He glanced down to see Jacen fall in step beside him.

“Mom! Mom!” Jacen called, running the last few feet toward her, leaping into her arms.

“What Jace?” She laughed as she swung her son around, her head tails mimicking her movement. “What’s got you so excited?”

“Ezra’s gonna teach me! Teach me so I can be a Jedi like dad!” 

Hera stopped spinning to look at the young Jedi Knight. A sheepish grin marked Ezra’s face, a look she remembered happened all too often when he first joined her crew.

“Oh, he did, did he?” She remarked out loud, attempting to keep a smirk from showing. Ezra shrugged playfully.

“Okay, okay. We’ll talk about it later, Jace,” Sabine interrupted, lovingly mussing up his hair. She gestured toward the congressional building. “We’re already late for a meeting with the governor.” 

The group started to walk toward the main street, taking in the sights of Lothal’s capital, but Ezra slowed after a few minutes and closed his eyes. His mind began to race, flipping through memory after memory of his time with Thrawn until it froze on a specific moment. 

It finally clicked. The last puzzle piece snapped together. 

“I know what happened to him, where he is.” Ezra blurted out, his mouth open in astonishment. He only had a feeling, but he couldn’t ignore it. 

“Who?” Hera questioned, as she found her way back to where Ezra stopped. She was startled by his forcefulness. 

He looked up at her, blue eyes clear and focused. For the first time since he had woken up on the frigate, he knew, without a doubt, what they needed to do. 

“Thrawn… and we need to help him.” 


End file.
